Father-son relationships are fraught but Dad and I got along pretty well, at least once I reached the age where your parents start getting smarter. I knew that he always had my back and I relied on that more than I realized. Even though he long ago ceased being the enforcer/protector, he understood the world well (especially organizations) and gave good advice. Most of all, he cared.
I expected grief and loss when he died. What I didn't expect was how naked my back suddenly felt, like the cold breeze on my face when I shave my beard off in the spring.
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